New Yorkers are so retarded that they will wait in line for a furniture store opening. For a bunch of people who pride themselves on being super urban, they sure get excited about really suburban things like the Ikea store opening in Red Hook. Ikea is pretty cool, I’ll admit; when I got here I went like five times before I nearly replicated that episode of Bernie Mac where he starts shopping at Costco everyday and coming home with ridiculous things he wants but doesn’t really need but because it’s useful he feels OK about buying it. The last time I saw New Yorkers line up for a store it was even more retarded than IKEA–the opening of Trader Joe’s on Fourteen Street. Even a year after its opening, shopping there is a slow form of self-torture. The lines for check out literally snake around to the back of the store. It would take 30 minutes to buy, like, a bag of groceries.
You know what’s awesome about L.A.? There are a hundred bazillion Trader Joe’s nearby (not to mention Whole Foods), and get this: I don’t have to camp out to get inside.